News about conflict or war can cause anyone to feel afraid, sad, angry and anxious. For children, parents are a source of comfort and security, especially in times of crisis.
Here are some tips for parents in talking about conflict and providing support and comfort to children.
Find out what information children know and what they feel
Choose the right time and place so that the conversation feels natural and the child feels comfortable expressing his opinion. For example, when eating together as a family. Try not to discuss conflict-related topics before bedtime.
To start, you can first ask your child about the information they know and how they feel. There are children who don’t really know about conflict incidents and are not interested in discussing them, but there may also be those who harbor feelings of anxiety. When talking to younger children, you can start the conversation while drawing, telling stories, or doing other activities.
Children can also get news in many ways, so you need to monitor the information that children hear or see. This is an opportunity for you to calm your child and perhaps correct the wrong information your child has received, whether online, via television, from school, or from his friends.
The rapid circulation of heartbreaking images and news can make us feel like crisis is everywhere. Young children may not be able to separate the images on the screen from the reality of their lives, so they feel they are threatened even though a conflict is taking place in far away places. Meanwhile, older children may have been exposed to worrying information on social media, then feel afraid at the thought of the conflict becoming more severe.
It is important for parents not to minimize or dismiss their child’s concerns. If your child has a question that you think is excessive, such as, “Are we going to die?” You need to reassure your child that they are safe. At the same time, you need to find out exactly what information the child is receiving and why they are anxious. If you can understand the origin of your anxiety, you will be better able to calm your child.
Make sure your child’s feelings are heard and convey that whatever they feel, those feelings are normal. Show that you are listening to your child by giving them your full attention and reminding them that children can talk to their parents and other adults they trust at any time.
Remain calm and use language appropriate to the child’s age
Children have the right to know the situation in the world, but adults are responsible for keeping children from getting stressed and anxious. Parents know their children best. Use language that is easy for children to understand, observe their reactions, and try to be more sensitive to children’s anxiety levels.
Parents can feel sad or anxious about the world situation, which is normal. However, it is important to remember, children read the emotional signs of the adults around them, so try not to overdo it in telling your child about your own fears. Speak calmly and watch your body language, such as facial expressions.
As much as possible, reassure children that they are safe from any danger. Remind children that, around the world, there are many people working hard to end conflict and build peace.
Remember, parents don’t have to have the answers to every child’s questions. Parents may admit they need to seek answers; or, with older children, use this opportunity to search for answers together. Refer to sites from credible media or trusted international organizations, such as UNICEF and the UN. Explain that not all information on the internet is accurate and that finding reliable sources of information is very important.
Instill the value of compassion, stay away from stigma
Conflict often presents prejudice and discrimination, both against a group of people and a country. When discussing with children, avoid using labels such as “bad people” or “mean”. Use the discussion as an opportunity to instill the value of compassion, for example towards families who are forced to leave their homes.
Even though conflict occurs in distant places, it can still cause discrimination in the environment around us. You need to monitor your child’s condition to ensure that your child does not experience or become a perpetrator of bullying. If a child is teased or bullied at school, the child needs to be encouraged to report it to their parents or another trusted adult.
Remind children, everyone deserves to feel safe at school and in the community. Bullying and discrimination are never acceptable, and everyone should do what they can to spread kindness and help one another.
Focus on positive stories
Children need to know that there are many people who, with courage and kindness, provide help. Look for positive stories, such as officers helping others, or young people calling for peace.
Ask if the child wants to take part in taking positive action. Some examples of activities that can be carried out are drawing posters or writing peace-themed poetry, or taking part in fundraising in the community or signing petitions. Knowing that he did something, no matter how small, can often provide a sense of calm.
Close the conversation with a positive message
Towards the end of the conversation, make sure the child is no longer feeling anxious. Pay attention to their anxiety level by observing their body language, tone of voice, and breathing.
Remind your child that you care and are ready to be there to listen and help them whenever your child feels anxious.
